Chocolate Chip Cookies
by MeredithGreyShepherd
Summary: Meredith breaks down and Derek is there to try and comfort her. WARNING: Ferryboats and death are included in this story.


Ok, here's the fanfic. Gosh. Aren't I obsessed with fanfic? I think I am. Well, this is a sad fanfic. Yes, heartbreaking. The song is called "Away From the Sun" by 3 Doors Down. You should listen to this WHILE you're reading. SERIOUSLY. It will add to the drama. I mean, literally. Listen to it. Please. For me? (And if you DO listen to it, tell me about it in your review, it will make me feel better! Literally.) AND FOR ALL OF YOU WHO DON'T READ THE LYRICS: You should. Please. (It's called a SONGFIC for a reason.) Here it goes...

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_It's down to this  
I've got to make this life make sense  
Can anyone tell what I've done  
I miss the life  
I miss the colours of the world  
Can anyone tell where I am _

Meredith was at the one place that she absolutely loved and absolutely hated at the same time. She didn't want to go here for several reasons. First of all, Derek would most likely be there. He said it himself in the elevator. Oh no. The elevator. She couldn't think of the elevator right now.

**"I'm not going out with you, and I'm definitely not sleeping with you again, you're my boss."**

"I'm your boss's boss."

"You're my teacher, my teacher's teacher. And my...teacher."

"I'm your sister, I'm your daughter."

"You're sexually harassing me."

"I'm riding an elevator."

"I'm drawing a line. The line is drawn. There's a big...line."

"So this line, is it imaginary, or do I need to get you a marker?"

And how when she kissed him, her whole life felt perfect, that nothing could bring her down. How all she cared about was him and her. Together. How that one moment everything faded into a blissful oblivion. How it felt to have his body against her, their lips pressed together. Being with him.

And now, nothing mattered to her. Because she was where she could think about absolutely nothing and not have a care in the world if anyone ever saw her cry.

Ferryboat.

_'Cause now again I've found myself   
So far down, away from the sun  
That shines into the darkest place  
I'm so far down, away from the sun again  
Away from the sun again _

She was on a ferryboat. Thinking. Remembering. Wondering.

Thinking of how she could have let her life get out of control. Thinking about her past. Thinking of how she could change the past, and if she could, what would she change. And how would she change it. Thinking about her. Thinking of him. Of her and him. Together.

Remembering how it felt to be with him. Remembering how it felt to think that he actually loved her, to love _her_ and only her. Remembering those nights. Where she could be curled up in his arms in the darkness, that perfect moment in time where she felt safe. Where she felt that she loved him. That nothing could go wrong, nothing could bring her down from her happiness. Then she remembered those lonely nights, after he had told her. Told her that he was going back to his wife. How she would lie in her bed. And wonder.

Wonder what went wrong. What she did to make him not want her. To not want to be with her. Wondering why she was throwing away her life. Over him. A man. A married man. A man that would never want her back...

That's when she heard his voice, over the silence of absolutely nothing.

"Meredith."

_I'm over this  
I'm tired of living in the dark  
Can anyone see me down here  
The feeling's gone  
There's nothing left to lift me up  
Back into the world I know_

"Meredith." he repeated, his voice getting closer.

"Leave." she said, now making it clear that she was crying. Crying on a ferryboat.

"Please Meredith." He kept getting closer and closer.

"Don't Derek. Please, just don't." she told him, weakness in her voice.

He didn't listen to her. He sat down beside her, staring at her. Staring into her beautiful icy blue eyes. Oh how he longed to touch her...

"I'm sorry." he told her.

"No you're not." she paused, staring down at her hands. "But thanks for trying." A tear dropped from her chin, as he watched another one flow down her cheek.

He quickly brushed it away, hating to see her like this.

Knowing he was the one to cause her all this pain.

_And now again I've found myself  
So far down, away from the sun  
That shines into the darkest place  
I'm so far down, away from the sun  
That shines to light the way for me  
To find my way back into the arms   
That care about the ones like me  
I'm so far down, away from the sun again_

She looked over at him. Those blue-green eyes, the ones that always made her knees weak. The eyes that she could stare into for hours. The eyes that used to tell her that everything was going to be okay. The eyes that used to make her feel safe. Now all those eyes did was make her want to hold him again. To kiss him again. To confess everything to him.

"Meredith. I never meant to hurt you." he said.

"Then why did you?" she shot back, wanting to know the truth.

"Because...because I didn't trust myself. Because I felt that I couldn't be strong. I couldn't be strong enough for you. You deserve so much more than me. You deserve someone that you can trust, someone that would never ever hurt you..."

He paused, looking deeply into her eyes. "I hurt you. You didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve everything that I put you through. No one deserves that." he said.

There was a pause. Meredith didn't know what to say.

_It's down to this  
I've got to make this life make sense  
And now I can't tell what I've done  
And now again I've found myself  
So far down, away from the sun  
That shines to light the way for me_

"Derek..." Meredith started, finally, looking out into the water.

"I don't know what to do anymore..." she confessed.

She looked at him. "I don't know what to do Derek. I keep acting as though everything is okay. That I'm fine and that you didn't hurt me. But Derek, I'm sick and tired of pretending. I'm sick and tired of telling everyone that I'm fine. Because I'm **not** fine! You hurt me. And yes, I hate you for that. But I can't stop wanting you. I can't stop wanting to be with you. I can't stop wishing that we were together again. Like we used to be! How perfect we were. But Derek...you just...left me. You abandoned me, pretending you didn't have a care in the world about what happened. As if you forgot about us. About what we had. I thought..." she looked down, avoiding his eyes. "I thought you loved me..."

At that statement, he broke.

"Meredith, I _do_ love you. I always have and I always will. I promise you that." he said.

She stared into his eyes. She didn't know what to say to him.

"I don't know what to say..." she said.

He leaned in. "Then don't say anything at all." he whispered as he gently kissed her on the lips. At that moment, Meredith and Derek both didn't have a care in the world.

_'Cause now again I've found myself  
So far down, away from the sun  
That shines into the darkest place  
I'm so far down, away from the sun   
That shines to light the way for me_

As Meredith stepped off the ferryboat, she looked back at Derek.

"Derek. I love you. Please don't ever forget about me." she said, a glint in her eye.

"I won't Meredith. I love you and I want you to always know that. I could never ever forget you. I promise I won't." he said.

"Goodbye Derek."

"Goodbye Meredith."

That night was the first time Derek had cried in many, many years.  
-  
The next day, they found Meredith with her face down in the pillow, with a note that said:

'I love him till I die.'

_To find my way back into the arms  
That care about the ones like me  
I'm so far down, away from the sun again_

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Yes, I know, that was sad. And yes, I copied that last line from a song. I'm so evil, I know. Kill me why dontcha. AND, the title had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the story. I'm just random like that. Well, I hope you enjoyed it...or at least CRIED. Or...something. But please review. (AND TELL ME IF YOU CRIED!)

Love ya guys. Bye!


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